The Monkey Rocker

Been a while in between posts, but the review that you are about to read is well worth the wait. A few months back I had contacted the creator of a self pleasuring device called The Monkey Rocker. And due to some conflicting schedules and emergencies that creep up on you in everyday life the owner and I lost contact. That is, until I was fortunate enough to get in contact with the owner/inventor/creator, Dan Siechert, about a week ago. I was honored and fortunate enough to get a tour of the shop of where these magnificent machines are created. Initially, I was a bit timid to sit down (fully clothed, mind you) on a toyless monkey rocker. Besides, how was I to know if this was going to be my bag or not. Well luckily for me, I got my very own demo model that I was able to pick up and bring home a few days after my tour of the shop. The seats were even custom covered in a beautiful Sugarplums purple that was identical to the color of my Sugarplumsonline logo.

So once I got it home, I was in awe of the craftmanship and the beauty of the device. The attention to detail that went into the creation of this high-end device was astounding. Even the packaging and instructions were impressive. I was tempted to call everybody I knew just to have them come over and see the awesome new toy that I just got, but I didn't because I knew the first thing that I would be asked was "well, have you tried it yet?" And I hadn't, so after a few cocktails my curiosity was piqued. So I decided to give it a try. I do have to admit that I was a bit Goldilock-ish in the fact that I had to break out my artillery of toys to find the one toy that was the perfect fit and curve. My third choice was just the right size, angle, and length. It was the smooth operator vibe kit from Vixen Creations.

So once I had my toy of choice and a bit of warming up, it took about a minute to find my rocking groove. I was initially using the handle, but once I was able to get the rhthym going with my legs it freed up my hands to do some other exploring. I do not believe that the Monkey Rocker is intended to be used by itself because once I realized that I had full use of my hands, I put them and my mouth to work on my husband who was more than thrilled to participate in my rockin' sextravaganza. The height of the monkey rocker was perfect. My husband was able to sit on the edge of our bed while I was able to simutaneously keep on rockin', orally please him, AND hold a vibrator with my right hand for clitoral stimulation. Surprisingly, even with a few cocktails in me it didn't take all that much coordination. It sounds like it would, but it didn't. Being able to receive hands free penetration and still be able to control the depth of penetration was amazing. There are sometimes when a woman is about to orgasm, she prefers just a little bit of rapid, short jabs of penetration...and then there are times when she prefers a deep, slow penetration. The Monkey Rocker allows for whatever type of penetration you desire. So my very first night (and certainly not my last) with the monkey rocker was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!! After having shared my experience with some friends of mine, I was bombarded with offers to babysit it if I should ever have the need for someone to keep an eye on it for me. Seems that there is going to be quite the waiting list for volunteer Monkey Rocker babysitters.

Update! The Monkey Rocker™ was just spotted on the intro to HBO's Cathouse.
And Brooke Taylor (HBO's Cathouse) said she loved the Monkey Rocker On The Howard Stern Show.

The Fix: Outlaw Leather Thigh Harness

Not to get all Borat on everybody, but....... Wowee, Wow, Wow, Wow Wee!! Outlaw Leather has simply outdone themselves on this particular harness. There are thigh harnesses out there, and then there is The Fix. The other thigh harnesses available don't quite compare to this one. Made of the same superior quality leather that Outlaw Leather is known for, and it fits comfortably on thighs of up to 30" in diameter. The D-rings allow for a snug fit around the thigh. The O-ring is interchangeable, so it allows for just about all sorts of different sized dildos that are harness compatible. There is another small slot right above where the dildo would be placed that can hold the small bullet sized vibrators. It slides under the slot to allow for a little buzzing action while you get your bouncing pony thigh ride on.

The dildo that was used during my particular pony thigh ride was the Champlette Silicone Vibe Kit by Vixen Creations. This silicone dildo comes with the small insertable bullet vibe that fits in the small slot on the thigh harness. The O-ring that came with The Fix worked perfectly for this purple champ. The flared base on the Champ dildo was easily held in place by the O-ring. We fitted The Fix thigh harness around his thigh, tightening the D-ring straps just enough to prevent any kind of slippage...but not too tight that his leg started tingling and changing colors due to lack of blood supply. Since we were both newbies in the harness territory, we had to figure out what position worked best. I think that the best position ended up being in a chair without armrests whose height was adjustable; but you may want to practice up on your leg squats because it was quite the workout until we got a rhythm going. So you may end up on the floor with the thigh harness wearer lying on their back if you start to get a case of the leg cramps.

Only fall back is that the vibe could have been a little bit stronger. I think it might have been due to the batteries though. Going to have to try this experiment one more time. I am sure that I can get the Mr. to volunteer his services again once I get some new batteries for the bullet. ;)

Hitachi Wand with the Gee Whizzard Attachment

Whenever I get inquiries from women asking what is the most powerful vibrator available on the market. My answer is consistently the Hitachi Magic Wand. BUT, unless you have an attachment to go on the end, it is pretty much an outside stimulation kind of toy. There are attachments, and then there are REAL attachments. Like the ones made by Vixen Creations. They created the Gee Whiz and the Gee Whizzard. Both are made of high quality silicone which allows for easy clean up and sterilizing. The attachments snap snuggly over the head of the wand massager for non-stop insertable pleasure. And that is the beauty of the Hitachi Magic Wand....it doesn't require batteries because it plugs into an electrical outlet.

The 2 attachments vary to some degree. It just depends upon your personal preference. The Gee Whizzard measures 4 ¾ " x 1-3/8". It has subtle humps going along the shaft and a raised ridge for clitoral stimulation at the base once the entire length of the toy is inserted. On the back side of the dome, there are small textured bumps for clitoral and vulva stimulation.

The Gee Whiz has a slightly shorter shaft, it measures 4" x 1-½". If you are not a big fan of humps, then the you might prefer this attachment. The shaft is smooth and sleek for easy fluid insertion. A more semi-realistic feel so to speak. This attachment seems to have a little bit more of a bulbous head at the tip of the shaft which provides allows for easier G spot stimulation.

SmartBalls by Fun Factory

SmartBalls.

On the night that I drunkenly purchased the Love Swing, I also purchased this particular item. We had seen them at the AVN Expo, but we didn't see these up close and personal. We were looking at all of their buzzing items and didn't pay much attention to some of their other items. So when we came across these we decided to add it to our order so it could hitch a ride with our swing.

Not your typical kind of sex toy. I consider them more or less vaginal dumbbells. But that is a GOOD thing!! And these little dumbbells can provide quite the workout for your pelvic floor. Working out has never been so easy and pleasurable! There is a metal sphere that silently rolls around in each of the balls. I do recommend that if you are going to use these, that you use some water based lubricant prior to insertion. It makes for easier insertion and removal. Once the smartballs are inserted, you just let them do the work. The sphere rolls around inside of the balls which stimulates and strengthens the pelvic floor muscles. Kind of like involuntary kegel exercises, with the exception of having to actually focus on squeezing pc muscles.

Golden Curved Love Wand by Phallix Glass

Golden Curved Love Wand. First off, I would like to provide a little more in depth info regarding this particular toy. Description: 7" long clear solid curved wand with a multi-textured 24-karat gold fumed Pyrex shaft. This toy is made of "lead free" crystal which is completely non-toxic and will withstand extreme temperatures as well as physical shock without any compromise to it's structural integrity.

With that said, I love this toy!! I have the 1 inch diameter toy . It is also available in ¾ inch as well. Glass toys have the ability to retain whatever temperature you desire them to be. You can place it is warm water, or you can stick it in the a cold ice water bath. Whatever you please. On a hot summer night, there is no other toy that is more satisfying after having soaked in some cold ice water. Some might be intimidated by the rigidness, but don't be fooled. The shape and feel of the love wand is awesome. It is weighted just enough to allow for easy penetration while lying on your back. If necessary, add a bit of lubricant or saliva to allow for a smooth fluid penetration. And what is great about glass toys, is that you can use any kind of lubricant (e.g.: water based, silicone based, etc.)

The Love Swing

Love Swing. Aka Sex Swing. Ok, I must admit that this was a drunken purchase. One night while my significant other and I were perusing an online toy site we came across this interesting apparatus. Initially, we thought "how cool would that be!!" Well, it is pretty cool....but long story short, install the eye hook screw in the ceiling when you are sober. When you live in an older house not all of the studs are placed in 16 inch increments. So you can imagine our frustration once we finally found a stud to place the eye hook. Kind of took the fun out of being able to use it once we got it put up. The swing comes fully assembled, you just have to place the eye hook and then lock the swing into place and you will be ready to go.

Also, be prepared to explain to others why you have an industrial eye hook hanging out of your ceiling. ;) If you are drunk enough, you might just pull it out of the toy box and show everybody at your party what a great purchase you made. Some will be envious and some.....well, may never be able to look you straight in the eye again.

It is a great recreational device to use every now and again, but it does take a bit of agility and patience to get it positioned right where you want it. If not, you may feel a bit wobbly while in the midst of sexytime. There are free standing swing stands, but they are more expensive than the swings themselves. So if you don't mind an industrial eye hook hanging out of your ceiling, then you will be in for a swinging good time!!

Layaspot by Fun Factory

Layaspot: I was first introduced to this particular toy at the 2005 AVN Adult Expo. I was perusing the Fun Factory exhibit when lo and behold a representative from Fun Factory named Rudy approached me with this petite curved looking device. At first look I thought...hmmm, not for me. It did not appear to be insert able and in no way looked like it would serve any type of pleasure that I would be welcoming. However, I was joyously mistaken. IN A HUGE WAY!! This little device has three extremely enjoyable variable speeds that will induce toe curling on the brink of orgasm sensations. Yes, that was one too many "-able" words in that last description. But this particular toys deserves it. The Layaspot is small in comparison to other toys, and is not entirely insert able; unless you enjoy an inch and a half of insert ability...but, this toy is specifically designed for clitoral stimulation. On the Layaspot's container it is recommended for the "clitoris, vagina as well as nipples and the penis." During my experimentation of the Layaspot, I noticed that it was well received during mutual pleasure around the clitoral and testicular region (balls, for those of you non-medical types). While using this toy, it was REALLY appreciated when utilized around the base of the penis close to my clitoral region and on the opposite side by the aforementioned testicular/ball region. I would highly recommend this toy for mutual play...but, I would also highly recommend this toy for single play for those ladies that are an "outside" stimulation kind of gal.

Specs: Layaspot is totally waterproof and is guaranteed for underwater use. Comfortable, easy handling. Powerful, quiet and durable motor, hypoallergenic which is great for those with latex allergies, made of non-porous material which makes for easy clean up (hot water and mild soap). Made in Germany. Uses 2 "AAA" batteries.